Friday, November 15, 2013


I hate my depression so much. I hate being a bad mom. I just ate chocolate chips for lunch. I can't bring myself to do house work. 

My depression shows it's self as anger a lot if the time. I hate when I get past the anger phase to weepy. I don't know how to handle weepy depression. I at least have ways to deal with angry depression.

I have no desire to read. None. 

I want to just lie down on the floor and not get up. I have thoughts of slitting my own throat. 

I started on medication not too long ago. It helps a lot. I feel happy more often than not. It was a complete revelation to me in fact. 'Are people really this happy all the of the time?' I'm still not sure if people really are that happy or if it is my meds giving me some false sense of euphoria.

I still get depressed. I still hate it. Maybe more now than before. I hate being a bad mom and a bad wife.

I don't dare read back through this post because I think I will delete things. Sorry that this is unedited. 


  1. Oh, Lindsey, this post makes me so sad! You are in my prayers! I really hope you're feeling better, and that you can see that you are a wonderful wife, mom, friend, and PERSON. Love you tons!

    1. You don't need to be sad!! This is part of my normal life and I am pretty used to it by now. This is just what a low point feels like and is not the norm. Thank you for the support!!

  2. I've struggled with depression pretty much my whole life. Unfortunately I didn't realize that's what I was dealing with until after we were married. i think back to my High School days and wonder what my school experience would have been like if i were on medication for it. Needless to say i am a HUGE advocate of medication for anxieties/depression. So many people think it's not normal or 'ok' but it really is. And it helps to talk about it. So if you are ever having a bad day. Especially the kind where you don't want to talk to anyone, let alone look at anyone. I'm your girl call/text and vent to me.

    1. I also think back and wonder what my life would have been like with medication!! I appreciate your support! :)